DOING THE RIGHT THING

For all of the things that I do wrong and all the mistakes that I make, just once in awhile I manage to do the right thing. For me the right thing usually entails saying "no" to someone or something. Tonight was no exception. I went to Brandon, a trip of about 30 miles from here, with a friend for a little after Xmas browsing and dinner. My friend knows what a fool I am for chocolate French silk pie (I can only think of one thing right now that can be better than French silk pie) and suggested that we stop and get one to bring home. What a temptation for me. I have been scared to get on the scales since the holidays began. I finally said a firm "no" with full knowledge that one piece is too much for me and the whole pie wouldn't be enough. It felt so good to say no and really mean it and not feel like I was depriving myself. Sometimes life is better than good. Sometimes I am good.

AFTER HOLIDAY BLAHS

I am beginning to feel today that the after holiday blahs are starting and the New Year isn't even here yet. I think there are several factors which contribute to this not the least of which is that some of the less than good news that one receives from friends during the holidays is beginning to sink in. There was plenty of news to rejoice about but somehow the bad stuff always seems to override the good--stuff like death, cancer, lukemia, 2 sons of friends who are the age of my son being sent to Irac after the first of the year--bloody awful stuff to "keep me on my knees," so to speak. Then there was the terribleness of today's news. In spite of all this I did have lunch with friends and the sharing was good among us.

Today has been one of those days when I couldn't find the things that I hide from myself which seems to happen all too often. In the process I scold myself and tell myself how inefficient and bumbling I am which then makes me feel worse. I did find 2 of the 3 things I was looking for so I guess that means I am only one third bad. However, one thing I was looking for caused me to completely unload the cabinet underneath my bathroom sink only to find that the item doesn't seem to exist. By then I was so tired of what seemed like standing on my head that I didn't try to put everything back. At least I know where my work starts tomorrow.

A late afternoon nap has my sleep screwed up tonight but I'm hoping that I can settle down soon. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. One can always hope.

CHRISTMAS NIGHT

I'm home from all the wonderful holiday festivities and have PBS on the TV with a presentation of South Pacific but I'm having a hard time getting past Reba McIntire as one of the singers so not sure if that is going to fly for me. I had a wonderful time with my son and wife and got to talk to both of my girls a couple of times. It is nice to go away and then nice to come back home to the quiet and my kitties. Of course, we ate too much but aside from that we didn't overdo anything. There are still some family festivities tomorrow so the celebration continues. I hope that everyone has had some of the joy that I have had. Regardless of the pain or hardships that we have there is always joy to be experienced and love to share. That is the true joy of Christmas.

PICTURES FROM THE PAST

Tonight Natalie and I did something that I have been wanting to do for a long time but rather dreaded because I knew that it would get me all emotional. We pulled out all of the pictures in my possession and began going through them. I hadn't seen them in years, five years for sure, and some of them longer than that. Some I had totally forgotten about and some that were a real surprise like when I was totally skinny. Most people don't realize that I was ever totally skinny and most of the time I don't remember it either. I wish I had been more appreciative and seen myself as what I really was at the time. Most of my life I lived without having a very good opinion of myself. It is funny how we come to realize so much about ourselves when we get older. I realized that one time I was skinny and very good looking and I didn't even know it. So we shared a trip down memory lane and I shed a tear or two.

POST SCRIPT

Natalie arrived on time yesterday and we are having a wonderful time. She feels at home here because it is cold but not like Chicago and no snow.

JOY IN LIVING ALONE

Just occasionally I realize that there is sometimes joy to be had in living alone. One of those I have been taking great enjoyment in during this holiday season is that I can play as much Christmas music for as many hours and as many days as I want without any grinch fussing about it. And if I want to keep playing it after the holidays are over I can still do that. My new album for this year--actually there are two--is Josh Groban's Noel and an album of Xmas songs arranged by John Rutter and sung by the Cambridge Singers. This album hasn't arrived yet but it will get lots of play time when it comes--maybe today. John Rutter is one of my most favorite choral arrangers of all time. I hope that you too are enjoying some of the season's hits whether it be Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer or the ever popular and simple Silent Night. The tear jerker for me is I'll Be Home For Christmas because I realize it will never again be a reality in this life for me. Happy listening.

WINTER WONDERLAND

The bloggers I read from up north and those I know who have been traveling or will be traveling to or from the north have been talking about the snow. We experienced our own kind of winter wonderland here this weekend only with rain and fake snow. Friday evening my brother, his wife, mother and I all went to Tampa to see the Radio City Music Hall Rocketts. I think I mentioned in a previous blog that we were going. Well, it was fantastical, as our Spanish friends say. I actually became more interested in the stage props and the lighting than in the music and high kicking although I enjoyed that too. I'm always amazed with the technicality of big productions such as this, opera, ballet, etc. It was a feast for the eyes. Most memorable was the living nativity at the end complete with camels, donkeys, and sheep that were beautiful specimens and obviously well trained as stage animals. The costumes were breathtaking. I never expect to see anything to top it. This was a dream of many years come true for me.

We are experiencing a huge weather change today. It was 70 degrees at 6 a.m., the warmest temp of the day, and is going to be down around freezing by tonight. I will attend a church Christmas program tonight with family and friends and that will be the end of this year's holiday entertainment. Tomorrow Natalie flies in, weather permitting, and we will have a festive few days together with family gathering at my home on Tuesday night for Mexican food. Mmmm! This has been my best holidays since moving here in 2002. It has taken me all that time to adjust to being here and all the changes that have come into my life. It gets sweeter as time passes.

FOLLOWING MY HEART

I have been having a wonderful week and enjoying the activities of the Christmas season. I have been making an effort to try to follow my heart more this year as I celebrate the holidays. It makes me feel very good especially when I am making an effort to bring joy to others. I have always loved Christmas and made a special effort to make it joyful but this year for some reason it seems even more special to me than it has at some times.

Next week daughter Natalie will be flying in for a few days and I will host all the family here one night for Mexican food. I hope that it will be good and that everyone will enjoy the festivities in spite of my small quarters. It should be fun.

Our weather is unseasonably warm right now even by Florida standards but it hasn't dimmed the beautiful light displays and some people have even tried their hands at making snow for the neighborhood children. That is quite a stretch for Florida but surely has brought joy to children who have never seen the white stuff. It even makes me happy.

A NOTE TO AMANDA

Since Amanda's blog does not allow comments I thought I would use mine to comment on a recent post of hers. She referred to the site www.freerice.com which is a vocabulary game that provides free rice to third world countries according to the vocabulary hits that you make. I had so much fun playing the game that I could hardly quit although I did at 1,000 plus grains of rice. Personally, I put my money on 2 goats to do my part for humanity which you will hear more about later. Check out free rice when you need a brain teaser. Thanks Amanda for the reference.

FESTIVE JAZZ

I attended a festive jazz concert tonight at one of the local universities. It was a mix of traditional and holiday jazz, much of it in the Glenn Miller style with some Goodman, Getz and Kruppa thrown in. It was great and well attended by older people. I guess my age and older relate to it.

I saw a new rheumatologist yesterday and it looks like I will be shopping for a new left hip after the first of the year. I have a couple of hoops to jump through (crawl is more likely) before it becomes reality but the doc assures me of the alleviation of a lot of pain with the replacement. I am in favor of that. He also assures me that it is an easier procedure than a knee and recovery is faster. Sounds good to me.

LAZY

I wish that my lazy blogger friends and family would write.

CHURCH SHOPPING

I have been watching the Fox network show, KING OF THE HILL, again of late after a long hiatus (several years.) I have been finding it quite funny. It is a Mike Judge creation and is an animated series. Recently Hank began church shopping because he had been aced out of his usual seat by a new family so he decided to try out a mega-church. To begin with Hank and family were courted by the church people and made to feel real welcome and then he found that he and the family were being churched to death every day of the week and besides that the church was going to institute assigned seating. Hank decided to go back to Arlen Methodist even if he couldn't have his old pew back. I thought it was cute and had a lot to say about present day church organization.

BACK HOME

I'm back home after an overnighter. The cats were glad to see me and I was glad to see home--tired but had a good time. I'm winding down by listening to a Christmas program on PBS featuring a young boy's choir called Libera. It is such a sweet sound. It is fund raiser time as you might guess.